Two years ago we lost you…..
Remember the time you were so drunk you fell over the lion in Space nightclub, or the time your heel fell off your boot and we had to buy glue off the lady in the toilets. Remember when you cut your own fringe and looked like fryer tuck!
Remember when we used to walk for an hour to get to Lisa’s house, and the time my little sister had to buy me cigarettes because I got asked for ID!
Remember when we met friends at a pub and took them up on a ride home…..
I wish I Remembered more about you before, I wish we had never taken that ride home, I wish I wish…..
You May have no longer been the same little sister we grew up with, but you literally became a butterfly. You were always smiling even though you must have been going through so much turmoil inside, luckily your brain didn’t let you dwell on who you used to be I guess that’s how the old Andrea had been forgotten, like you had always been this way. But you brought so much joy and laughter wherever you went. Your inappropriate behaviour had us in stitches at times shouting “your well fit” to random men on the street 🤦🏻♀️
I’ll always regret taking your visits for granted and I’m ashamed to admit at times it actually seemed like a little bit of a chore to sit there with you and answer the same question repeatedly, why did I not enjoy those moments more. I think I didn’t get too close because of my incredible guilt surrounding the accident, I guess it became easier to not think of you as the same little sister and not remember you were a “normal” teenage girl who had her whole life ahead of her.
14 years on we found out you had terminal Cancer, there was a lot of confusion around this situation and we didn’t get the full truth until August 2016. I feel some anger at not having the news sooner and only having limited time with you in the end. On the 20th August Mum called me and I rushed to the hospital, you didn’t look like you anymore, you looked like a wax work and you kept having fits after your epilepsy medication had been stopped to be replaced by Morphine. Every time you had a fit I thought this is it, the way you looked during these didn’t look human it was heartbreaking. Finally in the early hours of the 21st after all the pain you had been through, I felt kind of relief for you as you finally went into your last sleep. I weirdly remember smiling down on you as you went I didn’t cry I felt strangely calm. It was around 10 minutes before I finally cried after seeing everyone else’s tears, it may sound strange but that time with everyone around you in the hospital was actually nice everyone put their differences aside and we were all together for the first time in a long while. Sadly after your funeral everyone went their own ways again.
Your funeral is kind of fuzzy to me I think we were all still in a bubble of grief. We carried your coffin which had a Luton Town flag on top, the flag blew over my face as we lifted you 🤣 I struggled with one hand to move it while balancing you on my shoulder. I didn’t cry at the Funeral until some of your favourite songs played, then me and your other sisters did a reading that’s when my heart finally broke for you and it became unbearable.
In our garden we built a rock Garden in memory of you, Tomorrow we will let Balloons go there we still miss you and I feel incredible pain these last few days. But I know it’s selfish grief as you were in too much pain to remain here.
So Andrea my dancing queen, Goodbye my friend, I can still feel your here xxxxx